2008-12-02T16:55:00.000-08:00

i once said :
i've people who're always there for me and always by my side.
i simply love you guys:)
its not the end. cause there're more and more and more and more to come.

but:
were we really happy? are we really together? or was it just another photo? yet another friend?
was it again?

i once said :

i hate to smile when i'm not happy.

i hate to talk to people who i didnt like.

i hate people to tell me what to do when they know nuts.

i hate it when i'm told to follow what people say when i totally dont agree AT ALL
but:
i kept doing. it keep coming.

i once said :

E. the man that i thought was a gentleman wasnt.
J. the man whom i thought was there for me wasnt there.
E. the man who used to listen to me cry scream led his own life without me.
L. the man whom will give the best advice ask me to study hard.
H. the man whom i thought wasnt good wasnt that bad.
S. the lady whom i thought needs protection is strong. tough.
S. the one who's only with me for happy hour. wasnt trueful.
H. the one who left my friends hurt. and changed them.

I. the one who think she knows everything doesnt
I. the one who always neglect the people who love her.
I. the one who stir everything up and is sorry.
ONE REPUBLIC. i say its too late to appologise.
I. the one who smiles when she's not happy.
I. who always mix the good and the bad.
I. thinks that she's doing great wasnt.
I. shows attidude to people she loves. and hurt them most.
I. see people on the surface and never listen until she gets hurt.
I. am IVY LEE. and she hate herself for being bad.
but:
some whom i thought was 'bad' came to me when i most needed. where others, those who're 'good' just left me there. alone.

i once said :
sometimes i just need to be alone but i dont have time for myself.
sometimes i just need a hug but u guys said so much.
sometimes i just wanna smile but i just cant.
sometimes i just wanna say thank you but u guys cant stop quarreling with me.
sometimes i just need rest but i cant sleep
sometimes i thought things can be forgotten forever but they didnt.
sometimes i just wanna speak out my mind but i didnt dare.
sometimes i just feel like i'm going to die the very next day and never ever wake up.
sometimes i just need a pat on my shoulder to know that whatever i've done's right.
sometimes i just need to see a smile and it'll brighten up my entire day.
sometimes i just need my MP3 to sing out loud.
sometimes i just didnt want to say sorry cause i dont think i'm in the wrong.
sometimes i just want to give you a second chance but i didnt want to risk.
sometimes i just hate giving up on someone cause it just hurts.
sometimes i just wanna be the very nice girl next door but i'm always the bad guy.
sometimes i just feel like i'm all alone but there're so much care that i didnt notice.
sometimes i just got so many many things to say but i dont know how to start.
sometimes when i'm waiting for a reply there isnt.
sometimes i dun feel like myself. i'm lost.
sometimes i just need you there but i dont know who exactly i need.
everytime when i look into the mirrior i'm glad that i'm ME.
everytime when i'm down i'll stand up the very next day.
its hard to understand me cause i dont understand myself either.
but:
i think i was wrong. people is people. me is me. there's no link. at all.

like i said i ONCE.
i posted so many memories. but it was just a photograph. photography can only capture the moment of emotions. but could not hold them. but it could not let it continue. it just stopped there. not moving. ever.

i said so much. putting hope. but i'm tired. i'm so very tired now. can someone pull me up? i know no one could. and no one would. i got to stand up myself. alone.

leehuiru